woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
