Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
