if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
