I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
