How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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