I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
