I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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