but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
