I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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