take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
