Will you blow on my dice?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
