It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
