She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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