i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
