you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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