my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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