You can't special order awesome
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
