you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
