How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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