I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
