God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
