So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
