i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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