my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hippo gnu deer
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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