you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
