it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
