I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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