"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this hospital has no fireball
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
