You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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