i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
