Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
