well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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