Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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