..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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