Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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