remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
