I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this boner is exhausting
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
