My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
