Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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