How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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