Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
