So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Panties = found
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
