I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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