he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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