I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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