Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
