My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
