my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
