i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
