Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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