you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize