I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
