she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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