i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
