i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
